You should have said friend, Fred

Officer: ‘Target – Left… Rapid… Fire!’, Ancient: ‘An ow’s George?’

I wish I wasn’t Home-Guarding tonight

Darling, what have you done with my battledress?

‘Can’t you stand up?’, ‘No! N’more could you, if you’d been shoeing ‘orses since you was fourteen’

All Tanks To Practise At Home What They Learn On The Parade Ground

It Is Urged On All Ranks To Make The Fullest Use of Local Conditions When Adopting Protective Covering

‘I clocks in at the gasworks at five’, Home Guard Duties Are Not to Interfere With Civilian Employment

The Bore: ‘In ’15’

Dawn Patrol – The Converted Poacher

She: ‘It’s orders – Fred got to challenge everyone!’

‘Down another foot, Walter’, Trench Digging in the Lake District

Officer, reading description of escaped prisoner to patrol: ‘Height 7ft 6″, broad shoulders, probably armed, known to be fierce, and will resist arrest’.

And then we have our LDV.. longing to come to grips with the enemy